The disappearing post

I wrote this awesome post and then poof – it was gone. I left my desk to do who-knows-what and when I came back I got sidetracked, did some things for work and then tried to get back to it, but like I said – gone. It was about home. I thought about rewriting it, but now I can’t even remember what I wrote, just the premise. And this week I read an amazing post about home. What does it mean to you, where is it, etc etc etc. I convinced myself that what I wrote has been written before anyway, many other people share my thoughts on the topic. It doesn’t matter. 

But it does. The topic of “home” matters so much to me. I have come to the conclusion that there is no “one place” that is home. It is many places, and that I am lucky to have so many homes. Who needs just one? 

Home for me is scattered: my mother-in-law’s house, my sister’s house, the house I grew up in, where my mom and dad live, even though I never lived there myself, the places where the people I love most are. I know that even though I have never been to Stuttgart Germany, that if I walked into a dear friend’s mom’s house, it would feel like home. 

And where I live now? It feels “home-y” enough for now. Heck the 3 people I love most in the world live here, so yes it is my home – for now. (Plus the kitchen is pretty awesome)

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Home?

Four letters, H-O-M-E. Why oh why does this cute little sweet word affect me the way it does? So many thoughts from “where is home” to “am I home” ultimately followed by “you can make anyplace your home.” I envy the people who have a concrete answer to the question, “where is your home?” with something like, “Tuscaloosa, Alabama” or “Concord, New Hampshire, that’s my home!” Yes, I spent my childhood in Southern New Jersey, and lived there for 6 years as an adult, but it doesn’t really feel like “home” to me since we have been away for 8 years. The past 8 years living in Massachusetts, Melbourne AU and now Colorado have thrown me for a loop, rendering me unable to answer a simple question: Where is home? 

Yes, home is where the heart is, but what if my heart is in several different places? Of course my core people (husband and kids) make up my primary home, but what about my extended family and my dear friends – the ones who became like family while living overseas? What if Denver doesn’t feel like home? And what if I don’t know the place that does? 

And maybe there is no definitive home for everyone with an address and a mailbox. Maybe home can be many places, it is spread out with those people and places that mean so much to me. Places I have spent lots of time with people I love. 

Where is your home?

Why the tears?

I can read the first few words, but don’t get through the rest of the birthday cards without crying. “Why are you crying, mom?” My sweet Cameron shouldn’t understand why I am crying. Usually crying comes with sadness, and nobody should be sad on their birthdays. I try to explain that I feel so loved and it makes me cry. I also tell him that I wish I could see my family and I miss them. I miss them all everyday, but on birthdays I can feel it more. I hold back the tears with all my might when my mom calls me, I just want to hug her. And I know she wants to hug me even more. 

Nobody should cry on their birthday, but I can’t help it. 

And then one of my best friends facetime’s me (is that a word?) and the tears start again. “It’s ok, I miss you too” and I smile.

My new favourite six letter word: FODMAP

Well I think I have found the correct path. I went to the dietician and she suggested I eat only foods on the FODMAP diet (www.fodmap.com – check it out) for four weeks and also keep a detailed food diary. After the four weeks I will go back to her and discuss what foods to add back in, one at a time, and see how I feel. I think this is a great idea, and something I have thought about, I just never can stick to it. It is NOT EASY. I repeat, IT IS NOT EASY! No garlic, onion, wheat/barley/rye, apples, lactose, etc etc etc. Try to cook a meal or eat out without using garlic or onions! Not easy! I cook most dishes with them so it is a challenge to find things without them. Thankfully the green part of green onion is safe and so is garlic infused olive oil. My new best friends are spelt bread and lactose free yogurt, yes I said yogurt. I never liked yogurt, but I guess I do now!

Will follow up after my next appt with the dietician.

Update, long overdue

So after all kinds of “diets” (more like avoiding certain types of foods) and finally an appointment with my GP who referred me to yet another Gastroenterologist, it is confirmed that I have IBS. I have been told this for over 15 years, but nothing has been done about it. The doctors usually just tell me to avoid foods that aggravate it. Hello? That is impossible! I could never figure out WHAT exactly bothered me, it seemed that just about everything did.

This gastro also prescribed medicine – Colofac – and a probiotic to take. I am so happy to say that I actually feel better! I am going to a dietician that she suggested tomorrow and I hope to make even more progress after speaking with her. I’m going to try to follow something called the FODMAP diet: check it out at http://fodmap.com
Will check back soon!

Getting back on track

I am sure it is a known fact that when you go camping, it is hard to eat super healthy. Breakfast was usually toast with peanut butter and green tea. I tried to eat fruit afterwards and lunch was more peanut butter or a turkey sandwich. Dinner was bar-be-que or fish n chips, not the healthiest!

My system was protesting, and I was pretty uncomfortable for most of the 4 days, but was able to ignore it, telling myself I would get back on track once we returned home.

I started my day with a yummy juice and a protein drink after BodyPump class at the gym.

It is hard to go from one extreme to the other, being careless about what I am eating, and the next day be happy eating what looks like bird seed cereal with rice milk.

But! I’m going to get back on track, be kind to my body and feel good again.

Making choices

Another thing that I have noticed after my detox is the choice I make. I find myself leaning towards eating more vegetables (most of the time.) A quick dish of sautéed vegies is something I would willingly eat for lunch every day. Eggplant, pumpkin, shallots, mushrooms, yum…..

I have gone back to having one coffee a day, but have cut out sugar altogether (in the coffee) I went from adding one packet of raw sugar to none at all, and I can’t believe it isn’t terrible, it is actually good! Living in Melbourne though, we are spoilt for amazing coffee so it might be hard when we go back to America drinking that watered down crap.

I find I would rather have a fruit/veg juice for breakfast in the morning rather than cereal or toast, knowing how much more energy I will have and how much better I will feel for it.

It is all about making the right choices, but it’s not always easy!

Where I’m at

My juicer has been used less in the past few days, and my Lacteese tablets are gone. This means I have been eating croissants, toast and pancakes for brekkie. Which also means I have been having gastro issues again. It’s stupid you know. I eat foods that I am 100% positive around going to affect me negatively. I enjoy the 30 seconds to 3 minutes of eating the food and then it starts. My stomach starts hurting, and then it’s all down hill from there.

Then why, I ask myself, why do you do this? It is just stupid.

Last night I was out with some friends and we went into Chinatown. It was so nice to eat from every dish and know that there was no dairy to worry about. Asian cooking is the way to go, I’m going to try some Vietnamese recipes this week.

Coffee: we have had some rendezvous’, but I don’t crave it.

Alcohol: have had some drinks when I am out, but none at home (except for Christmas Day) Will continue to limit it while at home.

Sugar: Hasn’t been added to my coffee, but I’ve made up for it with cookies that were baked for Christmas. I am hoping they will be gone soon (not eaten all by me though!)

From here on: Focus on eating foods that don’t make me feel bad! Limit coffee and alcohol. Stick with juice for breakfast. Vegetables are my friends.

And then I ate all the bread

I survived.  I woke up this morning and wasn’t that hungry, surprisingly.

I had been thinking about what my “first meal” would be and I knew it all along: bread. What, that’s not a meal? Well I started out with wheat toast and butter (olive oil spread, but I tell myself it’s butter.) Then I followed that with a croissant. I was contemplating having a bagel with fake cream cheese, but made myself a juice instead. I don’t want to “un-do” all my hard work in just one meal.

I’m going to take it slow today, I don’t want to completely freak out my digestive system. Then next two days will be holiday meals galore, so I have to gear up for that.

These two weeks have put a spotlight on the fact that we truly are what we eat. I’d rather feel good (digestion-wise) than enjoy a minute or two of yumminess. There are plenty of foods that are just as yummy that don’t wreak havoc on my poor insides. (Hello, blueberries!)

Day 12, final day

I am ending 2 days early because there is NO WAY that I would be able to do this on Christmas Eve & Day, hello…I have to draw the line somewhere!

I am supposed to be ending on another fasting day BUT my will power has lost all its power and I decided to just have juice all day. I think that is reasonable (I hope so!) Yesterday was a pretty stressful day, spending the day in the hospital with my youngest who broke his thumb. I know that I shouldn’t use that as an excuse, but I really at just at the end of my rope, will-power wise.